Never Stop Fighting

 

    

    For some reason, I have been surrounded in my life with men addicted to pornography. Maybe it’s everywhere now. I don’t know. Maybe it just seems that every man on earth today is addicted to pornography, but I don’t feel that this is truly the case. We all sin in different ways and have different weaknesses and strengths. But pornography has certainly spread itself thick all over the world and is quickly encompassing and destroying so much that has been precious in this world.

       I am most familiar with two particular men who each have or had a pornography addiction. One was my late husband. The other, my ex-boyfriend. 

          I was not aware of my husband’s pornography addiction until after we married. He brought home a pornographic video one night and tried to convince me of how much more fun sex would be after viewing the video. He told me that pornography was only forbidden for unmarried men. “Once you are married,” he said, “you can do whatever you want.” I was young and naive, but I could feel that it was wrong. I went along with it and pretended that it was fun. A couple nights later, he did it again. I tried to tell him that I did not think it was right. But I didn’t want to be a prudish new wife.

        The next day though, I did sit down and have a talk with him. He knew I was right. He agreed with me and took the videos out to the back yard and burned them. 

            About a month or so later, he tried it again, using a different argument. Again, I tried to be patient with him and allow it. But it felt so wrong and awful, I could not stand it for long. We had another talk and again, he took the videos and magazines to the back yard and burned them. 

            He did not share his pornography with me any longer. But the pornography did not stop. When I would lovingly confront him with things I had found, he would go through with his burning ritual over and over. But he knew I was right. He knew it was wrong. So, he did work hard to fight it. He would slip up from time to time, off and on, throughout our marriage for many years. Probably most of his life. 

            I didn’t always catch him or come across content, but I could feel the presence of it when it was around. I would have a private conversation with him and he would confess to me openly. Which, as much as it hurt me, I was always grateful for his honesty. If he had lied, I would have known it, because the Spirit would manifest it to me. Thankfully, he let me help him all I could. He wanted to be rid of the curse and addiction. It affected him deeply. He had always been a very self-confident young man, very popular with the girls, very outgoing, happy, and friendly. I could see changes in him over time that the pornography was inflicting upon him. He began to have lower self-esteem. He began to be paranoid that other loved ones, like his children, would find out about his addiction. 

            I never stopped loving him or being patient with him. I was blessed with a vision of his worth and potential even before we were married and I held him up for what he could be and would be someday. And he did improve. Over time, it got less and less and easier to stay away from. But it was a hard fight that we fought together. I don’t think he could have done it on his own. And we certainly could not have done it without God. 

            I know that it is too much for many wives to bear. But I plead with as many of you as can to handle your husbands with kid gloves, undying love and patience. This is not easy for them either. We all sin differently. I was not perfect either. Thankfully, my husband was strong where I was weak. We worked together to help each other. 

            I am not saying that a woman should stay with a man who abuses her or their children. I would never put up with that. But, as long as he is fighting and working to overcome, please be patient with him. Fight along-side him, but don’t fight him. He needs you now more than ever. Don’t think it is just him. It’s not. It’s stronger than him. It is stronger than the two of you. Seek help, if he will let you. Most importantly, go to God. God is stronger than Satan. 

            My boyfriend would not let me help him. He was too ashamed and embarrassed of his addiction. I loved him and saw just as much worth and potential in him as I did in my husband who had passed away. I wanted so much to love him and help him all I could. Instead, he let his guilty conscience drive him away from me. I cannot believe that he did not want to fight and want to be rid of his addiction. Maybe it’s true. I guess I will never know now. He cut off all contact with me. I still love him and worry about him. I hate the thought of him having to deal with it on his own. I saw in him the same effects taking place in his self-worth and confidence as did in my late husband. I fear for him and his eternal salvation and stand before God. I wish with all my heart that he would come back to me and let me work with him and fight with him and love him. He was such a good man in so very many ways.

            A couple of my sons have had similar struggles. One son told me that getting involved with fighting human trafficking has been a huge help to him. Realizing that the girls and women in these videos and magazines, etc., are someone’s daughter, someone’s sister has helped him detest pornography. One son has a girlfriend he loves very much and she suffered a sexual encounter against her will when she was younger. The thought of her going through this, angers my son. He can no longer have anything to do with pornography because he tells himself that that could have been his girlfriend. 

            Pornography and human trafficking is a pandemic epidemic. It is the worst plague in history. It is destroying lives, homes, families, and eternal souls every day! We must never stop fighting this great evil. It has nothing to do with free speech. We must stand together to combat pornography and human trafficking before every life is lost to it. We cannot let Satan win. These are our loved ones we are fighting for. “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children,” (Alma 46:12), we must raise the standard and fight together in this epic battle to save all.